“Embracing New Beginnings: Celebrating My 50th Birthday with Joy and a Touch of Sorrow”

Turning 50 was never something I was afraid of. I haven't feared getting older or felt like my life was going to be less vivid because I was aging. In fact, I'm extremely grateful to have spent 50 years on this planet; the good, the bad, and the ugly—it's all mine to keep in my pocket. I can only hope that I have a great many more to go.

We were also fortunate to have the family (mostly) complete for the celebration. My daughter Leah has a knack for presenting the most thoughtful gifts. They really make people feel valued and loved in a way that never ceases to amaze me.

Leah asked our friends and family to write 50 things that they loved about me on post-it notes, and then she proceeded to tape them all over the RV. I was in tears immediately upon starting to read them, and it took me two days to be able to read them without getting super emotional and having to stop. Being loved like that is the most incredible gift.

And then came the music and the candid photos in preparation for the haunted tour we were gearing up for that evening.

The things that were said and done before this picture was snapped will always remain our secret. But I think you can guess the level of inappropriateness by the looks on our faces.

We didn't take many pictures of the actual haunted tour. We were too immersed in the history of downtown Portland.

We made one last pitstop at a little bar across the street for one more nightcap before heading home to our campsite. 

Then back home to our quiet campsite on Sauvie Island, where we lit fire, relaxed a bit, and called it a night. The day was perfect.

Now for the part that has been making me drag my feet and completing this blog post. This time last year, we were celebrating my birthday. Todd and I had planned a weekend away. We still had our business, we still had a brick-and-mortar home, and I still had my mom.

In fact, I had specifically taken this picture to send to my mom who I spoke to just about every single day

This is the first birthday that I have celebrated after the loss of my mother. And although it brought intense joy, there is also a gaping hole in my heart that I am not sure will ever be completely whole again.

I think about her every day and remind myself that this is one of the reasons we started on this adventure. Losing someone you love so much is a big reminder of just how short life is and how it's so important to embrace every moment and follow every dream.

I love you, mom.